whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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