Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
