Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
should my penis look like a turkey
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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