i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
