Your tits are I can't wait for
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize