I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
