so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
