If that was your dad, he is hot
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
