She said her name was "party"
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
