My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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