My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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