Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
