Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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