I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
