You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
