Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
