I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
