hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
send nudes
from the living room?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
