Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
