i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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