but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
