I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
