are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
