Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
