hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
bring money and cleavage
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
