just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
