is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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