I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
