I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
