Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
