It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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