I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
