i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
