I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
