I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
