We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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