Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
