Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish you could order shots online.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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