worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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