You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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