So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
