I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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