I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
