btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
