i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
