my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
