You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
