You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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