He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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