i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
